Funny Phrases

This post contains funny phrases that are good for kids and senior citizens and all in between.

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Make Me Laugh

Fat Joke A fat guy and a thin guy meet: Fat guy: “When I see you, I’d think a famine broke out!” Thin guy: “And when I see you, I’d think you’re the one responsible for that!” Dirty Joke Most of the time, when you cry, nobody notices the tears you shed. Most of the time, when you're facing trouble, nobody feels your pain. But try farting in public just one time! Train Joke Today I ran from a ticket inspector. He chased me through half the train. When he finally caught me, he wasn’t very amused to find that I actually do have the ticket. Girls Joke Girls mostly treat me like a God. They totally forget that I exist and only approach me when they need something. New Joke You’re really sucked up. - I ate you. - You’re a stupid grass mole. Having an argument in the times of auto correct. Funny Joke Stalking: When two people enjoy long romantic walks together, but just one of them is aware of this fact. Waiter Joke “Waiter, could you bring me some tooth picks, please?” “I’m...
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Funny sms

We’ll we’ll we’ll, and if it isn’t the Autocorrect. 5 and 2 had an argument. 2 1 Fun fact Did you know that when you take all the nerves from a human body and align them so they’re forming a straight line, you’ll end up in jail for a really, really long time? What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee?  A depresso. I used to breed rabbits. Then I realized they can handle it themselves. Google request: How to disable autocorrect in wife? Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up. What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? A slow swimmer. I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems. The first thing the rascal did was made me pay in advance. Does your horse smoke? No. Well, then I think your stable is burning. What are a shark’s two most favorite words? Man overboard! “Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!” The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks, “How’s that ...
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Funny Jokes For Adults

Patient Joke A stutterer walks in to a doctor’s office and says, “Doc-c-c-tor, my s-s-s-stuttering is a real p-p-pain in the n-n-neck, please help.” - The doctor examines him and finally finds the root of the problem: “Well, Mr Denny, the thing is, your pecker is too big and takes up too much blood that would normally go in the brain. We have to operate and take at least a half of it off.” - A month after the operation the stutterer comes back for a check-up and sighs, “Doctor, it really helped my stuttering and that is a relief. But my wife is very unhappy with the situation. Could the amputated bit be sewn back on, please?” - Doctor: “Sorry, but n-n-n-n-no.” Babies Joke A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back ...
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